Rituals: Holy Practices With Our Children

As I sat down to write, I asked myself how I would define 'ritual.' I recalled the small church where I grew up. I would describe my sweet congregation as conservative, cognitive and decidedly non-liturgical. I internalized that ritual was not what God wanted. We recalled times when God told the people that their worship was empty – outward practices that had no effect on their inward hearts. They were 'ritualistic' and did not please God.

The reality was that our small community practiced many rituals that shaped us and connected us to God and each other.

So, I define rituals– obviously not original to me – as repeated practices that are intentional, participatory, remind us of who we are and connect us with others. In our journey of faith, this connection is most importantly about our identity as followers of Jesus and God’s active presence in our lives – individually and together.

Throughout human history, people have engaged in rituals. Rituals are everywhere! Consider all the places and ways we practice rituals. My friend Mimi Larson reflected on how attending a Chicago Cubs game reminded her about the power of these shared experiences. There is a lot about identity, community and how we do this thing together as baseball fans that we can apply to joining children on our faith journey.

Simple, common family rituals are powerful. Consider bedtime. Scratching backs, grabbing a special blanket or fluffy toy, singing a song, reciting scripture or praying together. These sweet, sometimes light-hearted and sometimes serious moments affirm again who we are, that we belong and as Sandy Eisenberg Sasso so beautifully phrases it, 'that it is safe to let go, that the divine will be with you; you are not alone.'

From Passover to the Eucharist, God provided ways to participate in and pass on the story of a God who is with us. God gave the people Passover in part so the children would ask.

"And when your children ask you, ‘What does this ceremony mean to you?’  then tell them . . ." (Exodus 12:26, NIV)

In our communal gatherings, children observe, and in some cases participate in, the Eucharist. They join us in gathering with those receiving baptism. And they ask. And in this asking, we have the opportunity not just to explain, but to ask ourselves again, 'What does this ceremony mean to you?'

One ritual that we often fail to recognize as such is singing.

During Covid, I visited with several of our children and asked what they missed about being together at church. Over and over again they said they missed singing. It just wasn’t the same on Zoom. They missed this ritual that allowed them to 'hear everyone else sing and see everyone else sing.' They missed standing beside people and looking around.

They couldn’t articulate it fully, but understood what research affirms. Singing together has physiological and psychological benefits. Google and see what you find! Communal singing reduces stress, increases feelings of joy and creates a sense of connection with others. Pope Francis said that sacred music 'wraps us in a luminous cloud.' It is no wonder that God calls us again and again to this ritual of song.

When intentionally practiced, repetition and ritual provide security, establishing a sense of belonging, a collective identity. Rituals we use with children - in our children’s ministry spaces and with the full faith community - should nurture them in the now and the yet to come. This can happen quite naturally when children are included in communal worship. I have also experienced the power of intentional, sometimes playful, rituals in our children’s ministry spaces.

One of our sacred rituals in our children’s spaces is the Prayer Wall. As we get ready to write our prayers with chalk on the wall, we ask the children what is important about the Prayer Wall. They repeat with seriousness what is important about this holy time.

We remind each other that 'when God’s people gather, they take care of each other.' The children then remind us what that looks like during this time of prayer.

'We stay in silence.'

'If we are tall, we write at the top so that little kids can still reach.'

'We respect people’s prayers. Don’t erase or draw on them.'

We breathe in God’s love, breathe out God’s peace and then place our prayers on the wall, centered by a Psalm 23 song we have used for years. In fact, the children won’t let us change it. It is part of this holy ritual.

When our kindergarten and first grade friends gather on Sunday mornings, we have some playful, but holy rituals we practice. First is our Welcome Packets. The children make these packets to be ready for visitors or newcomers. They decorate envelopes and fill them with a little treat, a fun pencil, and stickers. When a child joins us for the first time, one of the children will get a welcome packet from the basket to present to our new friend. When children see a newcomer, they make sure to alert me and remind me that we need to welcome them, often volunteering to present the packet. We introduce our new friend, do a firecracker clap, and then the children say together, 'We welcome you in the name of Jesus!'

Birthdays are a big thing when you are 5, 6 and 7, so we bless our friends every Sunday during their birthday month. Our birthday month friends come to the front, we say their names and then sing Happy Birthday with added 'cha, cha cha’s.' Then the children speak the Birthday Blessing.

May you grow (Raise hands from your sides to above your head.)

In wisdom, (Point to the sides of your head.)

And in stature, (Put your hands by your side and stand tall.)

And in favor with God and People. (Put your hands on your heart, point to heaven and then spread them out.)

May you grow, (Raise your hands from your sides to above your head.)

Like Jesus! (Point to heaven.)

The children realize that these are Bible words, describing how Jesus grew as a child. They hear them in our class, but that isn’t the only place. This blessing is spoken every year as our faith community blesses new babies. They are spoken over the children in their 5th Grade Blessing. A teacher at our church told me that one day in her 1st grade classroom they sang happy birthday and a child from our church immediately followed it with the Birthday Blessing!

All of these shared rituals are ways that we affirm God’s presence in our lives and affirm that we belong together and with God. They connect us to the community of faith across time – past, present and future. When we engage in these holy practices with intentionality, they are not empty. They are full of God’s Spirit calling us, connecting us, and convicting us to truly be God’s people in the world.

Dana Kennamer, Ph.D. serves as the Associate Dean of the College of Arts, Humanities and Social Sciences Abilene Christian University where she teaches courses in early childhood education and children's ministry. Prior to entering higher education, Dana served as a classroom teacher in preschool and elementary grades in Miami, Houston, San Antonio and Abilene.

Dana earned a doctorate from the University of Texas at Austin in Early Childhood Education in 2001. Her dissertation explored young children’s perceptions of God from a contextualist perspective. This research was later included in Children’s Spirituality: Christian Perspectives, Research and Applications under the title 'Six Children Seeking God'. Dana’s other publications include Along the Way: Conversations about Children and Faith; I Will Change Your Name: Messages from the Father for a Heart Broken by Divorce; and Let All the Children Come to Me: A Practical Guide Including Children with Disabilities in Your Church's Ministry.

Despite Dana’s busy life as an administrator and academic, on Sunday mornings you can find her with her kindergarten and first grade friends at church. She has served in children’s ministry at her church in various capacities for almost forty years where multiple generations know her simply as 'Teacher Dana.'